He gets it ...

It's weird to me sometimes. When I think back, almost five years ago, when we started this journey of adoption, I really didn't have a clue as to what it would be like to have another child in this house and love him.  Think about that for a minute....... We started our journey to Aiden five years ago, first saw his picture in July of 2010, and now it's almost been a year since we first met him and brought him home. It just doesn't seem possible.

Back to what I was saying, five years ago I could not have possibly imagined what it would be like to have another child in this house and love him.  I really couldn't imagine the feelings of another child being here. I never wondered if Aiden would  like us, love us, or even tolerate us!  I always knew he'd be okay. Really didn't think about any of it.  When we were in South Korea waiting to meet him for the first time and pick him up, it was really nerve wracking, and he was very upset leaving his foster parents and going with us. He cried himself to sleep when we returned to our hotel with him, he slept for two hours, and then woke somewhat happy.  At that time I was expecting the worst (it's the only way I can prepare myself in those type situations - expect the worst and hope for the best, that way I'm somewhat prepared).  But Aiden did so well from that point on. Please don't  think our life with him has been a piece of cake this last year, but Aiden really took to me the first day in South Korea.  After that day, I knew he'd be okay, he'd love us, and we'd most certainly love him.

So over the last 11 months, Aiden has blossomed. He didn't talk much in the beginning. He was 14 months old when we brought him home. He had been hearing Korean spoken his whole life up to that point. So, yeah, how could he understand any English, much less speak any of it? But as time went on, he understood more and more.  He still didn't say hardly any English, but he understood nearly all we were saying to him.  Back in September of last year, Aiden started saying a few new words every now and then. The more time that went by, the more he'd try to say. Yah! He was trying to speak English. I was kind of glad to see this. On one hand, I was glad to see he'd actually understood English before he tried to speak it, meaning he understood what words meant what. And he felt comfortable to try, which was awesome to see.

The one word Aiden wouldn't say for a long time was, "mommy, or mama".  Up until that point, he'd never called me that. And you'd think this would have worried me, but it really didn't.  I just felt as though when he was ready to call me that, he would. I knew he'd know exactly what it meant and why he was calling me that.  We would show him pictures of all of us, point to our pictures and ask who we were. He'd only point to Taylor's picture and say, "Tay Tay".  We'd point to Mike's picture or mine and he wouldn't say anything for a while. We would say mama or dada and point to our pictures, he'd still not say anything.  But soon,  Aiden would soon call Mike dada, or dadee, but still not call me by name yet.

I think it was around November and December that he really started saying mommy to me, calling me that to get my attention. And it surprised me! Really it did.  The first time he called me that, I looked at Taylor and said, "did he just call me mommy?" She said, "yes, he did".  Actually, I was very happy to hear him call me mommy.  At that point, I knew he knew, I was his mommy and what it meant.  He's so certain when he says it too.  My first thought wasn't, "finally", it was more, "awww, he knows I'm his mommy" and he "gets it". He totally gets it!!

I always knew Aiden would love us, in due time, just as we would love him. For some people that love doesn't come right away.  I was one of those people.  I could never imagine what it would be like to love Aiden. It just wasn't happening back before we met him. I had to meet him, hold him, live with him, and grow with him before that love was there.  Don't misunderstand when I say that love wasn't there. I didn't know how to love him yet.  I loved him as a child of mine, but it wasn't until I got to know him, that my love for him was a solid, "you are my child" kind of love.

Now, we'll point to our pictures and ask who we are. Point to Mike, he says dada, point to me, he says mommy, point to Taylor's picture, and of course he says Tay Tay. It's really amazing to me how much love this kid has in his heart! He gives hugs all the time and is the most loving little guy! So now I know for sure, he loves us, we most certainly love him, we are his family, he is our son, Taylor's little brother, and he gets it! He totally gets it!

The letter ....

I can think of 10 things I really need to be doing right now, dishes, working on my consignment stuff (seems endless at this point) but feel the need to blog. And I'm sure only a true blogger would understand what that feels like.  Okay, so here goes ....

I received an email last week from Holt International, South Korea,  forwarded from Angie with Holt International in Oregon. Holt in South Korea's email said the "child's birth mother requested the child's updated photos, if the family can send them as an attachment, it would be very nice, thank you for asking."   And Angie went on to add this:  

These requests for updates from Birth Mothers  are becoming more frequent.  We see this request as very normal and shows the Birth Mother’s care and concern for Yeong-min.  This can be very significant for your child to know his birth mother thinks of him and wants to know how he’s doing.  We also want to be able to provide the Birth Mother with this update, as it helps to reassure and confirm for her the adoption plan was good for Yeong-min by seeing how well he’s is doing.  

Could you send us some updated photos which we can forward to Holt Korea and Yeong-min’s birth mother?  If you would like, please feel free to also write a letter giving an update on how Yeong-min is doing.  Any and all correspondence will go through Holt International and Holt Korea and no identifying information will be shared with either party (please do not include any identifying information on the photos or letter: eg K#, last names, email, address, etc).  We can’t guarantee Birth Mother will feel comfortable enough to respond, but it’s good to reach out in that way if you’re comfortable.

Yeah, ((I don't know why the background stayed white here, whatever))  wow .... I was a little shocked, at first. Wouldn't you be? I had read where other moms had sent updated photos, and a letter to Holt to put in their child's file telling the foster family and even the birth mother how their children were doing. So I was thinking, I probably should do this. But, it got pushed back some with all the other things in life taking precedence over it (bad mama!) Then I got the email.  Oh yeah, I thought, "got to get on this pronto!"  

The letter. How on earth do I write a letter to Aiden's birth mother!?!  How can I say the right thing, positive things, thanking her for giving up her child so we could have him, thanking her for giving him life, and what a joy he is, sorry you can't see it all?? Ugg! It seems like there's so much to say, but what's the right words to use? Careful, don't use anything negative, it all has to be positive, upeddy, happy right?

I posted on FB that I received an email about Aiden's birth  mother inquiring about him from Holt Int, how he's doing, and even requested pictures! I, myself, was so happy to see the request, seriously, I was/am still! But I was curious to see what kind of response I'd see on FB.  I had 63 "Likes" and 26 responses, all good! That made me happy!  I was a happy camper anyway, but this filled that camper all the way up happy!! :)  Actually, in all honesty it took me a day and a half to actually get to it. I wrote it in a hour one day this last weekend.  Aiden was sleeping, Mike and Tay were gone at that time. The silence was a good thing. 

Sorry not to indulge you curious ones, but the letter was written for Aiden's birth mother. It wasn't quite as hard as I thought it was going to be.  I found about eight pictures, I thought were appropriate, attached them to the emailed letter. 

To end the letter almost made me sad. It's almost  like a link between us, two mothers on opposite sides of the earth, that love one little boy. One cared for him 9 months, the other will get to care for him the rest of his life. Does that seem fair? No, it doesn't.  It's an unspoken promise I made in Korea when we were there. I vowed to give him the best care he could possibly get! I vowed to fill his heart with as much love as it'll hold. I promised that special little country he will always know he is loved and where he came from.  I know the letter and pictures will make her sad, but I hope she returns home knowing he's healthy, happy, and will live life to the fullest. And, he will know she loves him and made the hardest decision she's ever had to make for him.  

I've said before, Aiden is my savior, so to speak.  In my journey to him, he's helped me sort out my own uncertainties with my own adoption I've had all my life, till now.  He was such a revelation! Never did I ever think he would give me my A-HA moment!  For me to see,  feel, and grasp it, was such an eye opener for me. It was a very emotional moment, one I had to open my heart and absorb.  I'm so thankful for him, not just for being here, but for my life. It will never be the same, and I am so grateful!